They say the universe sends us signs as a way to keep us on our soul’s path in this life. If we miss or worse ignore these signs, then the universe will gently nudge you back on the path and if that isn’t enough a full-on shove will hopefully do the trick. If you’re anything like me, however, all of these attempts fail and the universe is forced to send what I like to refer to as the Mack truck. In order for me to pay attention, the Mack truck needs to come careening into and over me to make certain there is no chance left that I could miss or ignore the signs. So, here I am staggering to my feet, dusting myself off and ready to take the first step back onto the path.
Part of doing that requires me to share a few things that I have kept primarily to myself for quite some time. Several years ago I was living in a home with toxic mold. I have always had a mold allergy, but this was something very different. During the year that I lived in this house, I began experiencing some strange symptoms that I couldn’t understand or explain. Everything from migraines, which I had never had before, to balance issues, memory issues, extreme fatigue, mood issues and the list goes on. After a year of this, I knew I needed to remove myself from the mold, so I moved. I believed that everything would sort itself out and I would be fine since I was no longer living there. I was wrong. My symptoms did improve slightly and were worsened with any exposure to water-damaged buildings and mold which believe it or not is more common than you’d think.
Finally, three years later after doing some research, I sought treatment from a doctor who specializes in treating the resultant issues from mold toxicity, CIRS(Chronic Inflammatory Response Syndrome) It is a multisymptom, multi-system illness affecting the central nervous system. In essence, my body is unable to release these toxins and so they have built up, causing the inflammation that impacts all of me: joints, lungs, brain, all of me. It is one of those invisible illnesses that some of Western medicine still chalks up to some sort of hypochondriasis or other psychiatric disorder, which is in part why I am telling you this-for all of the thousands of people like myself suffering alone. I will never be cured of this, instead, I am treating it and learning to make certain life changes and am hopeful I will at least significantly decrease my symptoms so I can find my way back to the me I feel I lost over the course of these most recent years. And as with so many illnesses treatment takes a very long time and can make things much worse before they are better.
Unfortunately, a little over a month ago I suffered a significant setback after being exposed to another flooded building and subsequent mycotoxin release when the air conditioning unit in the ceiling malfunctioned. Suddenly my symptoms were flaring with a vengeance. My Mack truck. It hit me and hit me hard. It took a good deal of courage to stand up and advocate for myself and my health rather than what I usually do which is power through and hope noone sees. Now the time had come. Time to really look at myself, my life and find my way back onto my path, and not let fear stop me.
The first step has been to acknowledge to myself that I have a very real illness and that it has impacted every part of my life for years even though I have for the most part been able to function with it. It’s amazing how one can accommodate without drawing too much attention to oneself. This step of acknowledgment and harder still acceptance is a work in progress. I have begun to be honest and tell people now, no longer embarrassed when I can’t remember what is being discussed in the middle of a conversation, or that I need to rest in the middle of any given day, or that I drop things leaving shattered bits of favorite mugs, glasses, etc scattered across the floor. My life has felt this way-broken bits laying about the floor. Now I understand more about why and am sharing it with others. Sharing this here with you in this way is one more step on my journey toward healing. Healing from the inside out.
It is, as I have said, the first step. And as I have always told my clients and students, “Take a step-any step in any direction and things will become clear.” So I have taken my first step. Exciting albeit scary and stressful things are beginning to become clear. I hope you will stay tuned for what is coming-I am looking forward to sharing what’s next—-no, sadly it isn’t a year away in a foreign land—did that one. Just keep checking back here for now and I’ll take you along this journey with me. The time has come for change, and yeah it took a Mack truck and a chronic illness, but I finally got the signs from the Universe.
